Some Amusement

A Little Humor

By Les Rosenthal & Ruth Freedman

Three bubbes are sitting on a park bench.

The first one lets out a heartfelt “Oy.”

A few minutes later, the second sighs deeply and says, “Oy, vey.”

A few minutes later, the third lady brushes away a tear and moans, “Oy, vey iz mir.”

To which the first bubbe replies,” I thought we agreed we weren’t going to talk about our children.”

 

The census taker comes to the Goldman house.

“Does Louis Goldman live here?” he asks.

“No,” replies Goldman.

“Well, then, what is your name?”

“Louis Goldman.”

“Wait a minute–didn’t you just tell me that Goldman doesn’t live here?”

“Aha,” says Goldman. “You call this living?”

 

A poor man walking in the forest feels close enough to God to ask, “God, what is a million years to you?”

God says, “My son, a million years is a second to me.”

The man asks, “God, what is a million dollars to you?”

God replies, “My son, a million dollars to you is less than a penny to me. It means almost nothing to me.”

The man asks, “So God, can I have a million dollars?”

And God replies, “In a second.”

 

Why did the chicken cross the road?

OK, maybe you know that— To get to the other side.

 

But why did the chicken cross the road, roll on the ground, and return back?

 

Because he was a dirty double crosser.

 

– Is there a bracha to log off the web?

– Yes, borei p’ri log-off-en

Humor from Les Rosenthal

Q: Why didn’t thecomputerized shofar work on Rosh Hashanah?

A: The rabbi didn’t buy enough RAM

 

“Shalom, and welcome to the atonement hotline. At the tone, please be a mensch, and unburden your soul by stating how you’ve wronged me.”

Two flamingos talking. One stands on a scale on one foot. The other says: "Yeah, I've tried that before. Doesn't work."

The back of a wine truck. A sign says, "In case of emergency, bring cheese and crackers. Lots of cheese and crackers." An image caption at the top says: "I spotted this on a wine truck. I should follow them."

 

A Little Humor

By Les Rosenthal & Sally Morgan

Wedding canopy

Two little boys were at a wedding when one leaned over to the other and asked, “How may wives can a man have?” His friend answered, “Sixteen – four better, four worse, four richer, and four poorer.”

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. – George Burns

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. – Billy Crystal

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

– Groucho Marx

 

Two Images from Les Rosenthal

A round matza surrounded by flowers. Title says, "next year in person."A black rectangle with white stripes. Image says in English and Hebrew: "Open for me the gates of Zoom that I may enter them and praise God."

From Sid Goldstein

An image of a rabbit with a glass of beer. Title says, "A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit "what'll ya have?" The rabbit says "I dunno. I'm only here because of Autocorrect.""

From Dina Yoshimi

Dina Humor Text

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