Quarantine Humor

Quarantine Humor

January 9, 2021

Via Les Rosenthal

Every few days it would be smart to put your jeans on to make sure they still fit. Pajamas and sweats will have you believe all is well.


The Pandemic in 6 Words:

November 20, 2020

By Les Rosenthal

Closed store with graffiti - Shut happens we will be back

Not a criminal, but running masked.

Every day’s a bad hair day.

Eighth hour of YouTube. Send Help!

Read every book in the house.


How Are You Holding Up During Quarantine?

March 97, 2020

By Don Armstrong

Mona Lisa wearing a face mask

  • Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.
  • I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.
  • I need to practice social distancing from the refrigerator.
  • I still haven’t decided where to go for Passover —– The Living Room or The Bedroom.
  • Every few days try your jeans on to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
  • Home schooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.
  • I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone.
  • I saw a neighbor talking to her cat this morning. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog…we laughed a lot.
  • After this quarantine…will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?
  • Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.
  • My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.
  • Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.
  • I’m so excited — it’s time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?
  • I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I’m getting tired of staying cooped up in Las Livingroom.
  • Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.
  • Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said “I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year”…. I’m offended.

 

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