Don’s Roast and Toast Lyrics

Contributed by Gregg Kinkley

[to the tune of “I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General”]

Don is the very model of a modern Temple president,
He was from Jersey; now it seems he’s of Hawaii resident,
He makes a good shul leader, or at least that is the sentiment
There’s only one of him (but we need two): that’s our sincere lament;
But wait a minute, hold the phone, here’s Sandy (let’s not be hasty),
Now showing us that she has founded the Great Armstrong Dynasty!
What’s this? We had two Littmans, now two Armstrongs, let me comment thus:
It’s reminiscent of the Alabama of the Wallaces!

He is an expert businessman, this fact is elementary
He keeps the peace and – speaking of – he founded the new cemetery,
In short in matters Biblical, halakhic, and with precedent,
He is the very model of a modern Temple president!

He’s quick to ascertain that all our onegs are not in decline,
His quality control extends to often butting up in line,
He wants to tailor services to end with entrees most delish;
And everyone’s aware of Donald’s Ruling of the Tuna Fish!
He’ll get us out by one o’clock no matter how long musaf went,
He knows that if we stay too long the landlord will increase the rent,
His favorite duty is to ask of visitors, both dame and gent,
Where they came from and what they do (at least that’s what I think he meant).

With all of this he’s quite a mensch, no whining or intense brooding,
Although I must disclose he takes more than his share of my pudding;
In short in matters Biblical, halakhic, and with precedent,
He is the very model of a modern Temple president!

And now batons are passed and our new president is Sandy A
She’s making sure that all participate at shul and have a say,
The Armstrong clan continues in its resolute and helpful way,
Attendance will go up and Franny’s drashes will be booked through May!
In Don’s most fine tradition Sandy handles the announcement;
They’re free of boring detail and of arbitrary pronouncement,
If anyone should take her job, I’d lobby for renouncement
And set their feet most firmly in a gallon tray of Don’s cement!

We’re very lucky having both be at the helm of Sof Maarav
With them we’ll weather every storm and challenge, and les affaires graves,
In short in matters Biblical, halakhic, and with precedent,
They are the very models of two modern Temple presidents!

 

[to the tune of “Bye, Bye, Miss American Pie”]

A long, long time ago,
I can still remember
How the Littmans used to run the shul;
But I knew if he had the chance
Don could put on big boy pants
And maybe be the Presley, he’d be cool;
The First of Tishrei made us shiver,
Temple dues we must deliver
Deviled up some lone eggs
To make delightful onegs;
And I can’t remember if I lied
When he asked me if I had applied
For Family Promise, I just bide
The years Don was our guide.

So nigh, nigh is Donald’s tenure’s goodbye
Leyning shevii, not the Levy, coz he’s that kind of guy,
And them good ol’ bochers drinkin’ Manischewitz, thinkin’
Let’s bring out the Schlibbevitz,
Four more rounds, we’ll call it quits.

Were you just the President,
Or our cool Kailua resident,
With a sukkah in your yard.
Frogs and chickens running wild,
Our constant host, we were beguiled,
And with you we could all let down our guard.
Well we celebrated at your house
Invited by your gracious spouse,
We all took off our shoes
And made Kiddush with your booze, oh!
You had a Torah scroll, siddurs galore
Did shachrit, musaf, so much more
Mezuzahs on each and every door
The years Don was our guide.

So nigh, nigh is Donald’s tenure’s goodbye
Leyning shevii, not the Levy, coz he’s that kind of guy,
And them good ol’ bochers drinkin’ Manischewitz, thinkin’
Let’s bring out the Schlibbevitz,
Four more rounds, we’ll call it quits.

Did you write the Book of Job?
Every Shabbos you say boker tob,
Greeting us the heimish way.
Now do you believe that Hebrew class,
Those minyanim are such a gas
And will you teach us leyning, en masse?
Well I know you know the binyanim
Cuz I heard you chanting Devarim,
We all stood up to bench
But you threw in a wrench, oh!
We had the prayer for country, and for peace,
Shul announcements before we’d cease,
Don’t take too long, we’ll break our lease
The years Don was our guide!

So nigh, nigh is Donald’s tenure’s goodbye
Leyning shevii, not the Levy, coz he’s that kind of guy,
And them good ol’ bochers drinkin’ Magen David, thinkin’
Is this really wine, it’s too sweet;
Grab some whiskey, we’ll retreat.

I have a friend who broadcasts jazz
I asked him if he’d like to razz
Donald on this special day.
And the two men he admires the most
Are surnamed Armstrong, that’s his boast;
Don plays guitar but Louis’ a ghost,
And Don remains our guide.

So bye, bye, Donald’s term has expired,
We give credit to his work that left all of us inspired,
And now his wife will be all that we require,
Singin’ thank you Don for ten great years!